farters have to be the big spoon...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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