I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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