nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
