this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
