He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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