All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
