.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So. Much. Porn.
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