It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Holy sore nipples Batman
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
