weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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