I'm going to jail i love you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
