Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
