Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
