It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
