she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
