WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize