It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
