Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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