I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
