Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
