Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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