I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
