I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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