I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
