In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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