ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I will pee on everything he values.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
