have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
