There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
