I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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