No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
