i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
