You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They have beer where we have blood.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
