our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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