woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
