we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
