it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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