There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
