Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
