party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize