dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
