Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
