The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
