So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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