You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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