I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
