I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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