OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
