if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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