i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
