I must be too annoying 4 u.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
