you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
