Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
