my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
