i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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