when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
