It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
