Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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