She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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