Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
