Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
