Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
