I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
