I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
