That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
