she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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